Devastation in 140 Characters or Less, in which I Tweeted During that Game

Game time is here. My belly is full (too full), the kids are in bed, and I'm ready. Hopefully the Cougs are too.

I had kept up some irrational hopes that I would somehow end up going to the game tonight. Not so.

@LaurieAMeacham So you may as well root for the true team, the one your daughter aligns with.

Are you serious????

What was the penalty there?

No wonder I've been feeling nauseous. That was terrible, even turrrrible as Charles Barkley would say.

@tonyparks1320 He should hear about that awful play. Fall on the ball!

Let's see some high octane offense here. PLEASE.

Not a bad run. #JJ

Was that Hoffman? Really? Hooray!

Um, ...

Who did Bronco want to appease by wearing the polo shirt over the top of the gray t-shirt?

Nice little Chad Lewis leap from Kariya. 1st down.

Hmph!! #fumble #2

Destroy Wynn.

Cougar front 7 playing with emotion.

Nice hit DB's.

What did Kyle expect?

NO GOOD!!

@LaurieAMeacham Hey!

Grr. I would really REALLY like to see a deeper pass executed.

#JJ

#crap

That's more like it. #Heaps #Hoffman

That's it, Jake, run the show. #Heaps #Jacobson

Oh My!!! #Heaps #Hoffman Under pressure, that was amazing!

Late hit. Emotion...

NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!

C'mon D.

No first down here. Make 'em go 3 and out.

Still feeling sick; it won't go away until I see blue in the endzone.

Breakout game thus far for our friend #Hoffman.

This was the formula for success late last year. I like it.

Ooh, nasty.

Big J! #Justin #Sorenson

Weird, beautiful field goal and a shank kick off.

Good tackle #Ogletree

Turnover! Turn about, and all that.

Our resident Mad Man recovered it.

#Zed

This is my 1,000th tweet. And much like this drive coming off a turnover, #disappointment

Off topic, which arrogant, pretentious, despicable school do you more want to lose? Miami or Ohio State?

Nice hit, but Christopher hung onto the ball.

Utah's highly touted running back just, um, well, bwahaha!

Oh crap! Bailed out.

@DavidDJJames Yes, DJ, it was a bail out.

Stuffed. That's the BYU D we love.

Turn over on downs. Yeesh, let's see the offense do something here. That extended drive of Utah's should have given them sufficient rest.

Hey there's Hugh Nibley's favorite temple, on ESPN and everything.

Over the middle, to a tight end. #Holt

Cheap hit after the whistle. Whatever.

TOUCH FREAKIN' DOWN!!!! #APO #HEAPS

That is more like it. I'll say it again. That's more like it!

@LaurieAMeacham ?

The Utes have nightmares of a big tight end wearing #88 running over the middle.

@Lockedonsports You're exactly right. Two corrupt programs battling it out, there's nothing like it.

That was a big run, but he paid for it. Up ended.

Eason just wasn't expecting it to be right there. RIGHT THERE! So close.

@benbags Ha! Zing.

Van Noy!!

Jimmer sighting.

@LaurieAMeacham Ah, I see. Though I didn't notice it myself, I've been looking straight at the computer screen in between every play.

Go #JJ, hang on to that ball.

Fix yer jersey young man.

Too high. Hm, offense hasn't been able to capitalize on big defensive plays. Crap.

My goodness. BYU line backers and DB's flying all over the place.

Ceee-rap!

30 seconds and 2 time outs. Going for it?

Best garbage time punt ever.

Coverage on those tight ends needs to be sticky.

Put those flags away, officials. This is getting ridiculous.

Keep running the ball, Utes. It's really effective ... for the BYU D.

Holding, anyone? Anyone?

No bail out PI call? How come?

I am shocked, absolutely shocked (sincerely) that the officials did not call PI on Sorenson there. #officiatingisajoke

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am hopeful. Delusional, but hopeful

Bright spot? #Hoffman

Wow, this is getting way out of hand. Stop the run!

BYU's inspired defense took too many hits with penalty calls, they are playing tentative now.

Channel the 1980 Holiday Bowl mentality. Channel it dangit!

And ... why?

Why? WHY? WHYYYYY?????

Well, hm.

This has been completely unexpected.

@Lockedonsports Yes, I do demand answers.

@ScottyGKFAN Today is much worse than 2008. MUCH WORSE.

@AndrewAdamsKSL Only 6 turnovers? Is that really all?

Worst train wreck in the history of BYU football.

@laurieameacham yup. Awful.

I'm on my way to take Lewis to see Jessica. Did I change out of my byu shirt? Yes. Of course I did.

This is embarrassing.

@laurieameacham oy.

Will do, Laurie. I'll say it again, this was totally unexpected.

This just in, ticket prices for remaining byu games drop to record lows on stubhub.

Not about to be outdone by the BYU football team, my dog dropped a very large, very smelly pile of crap on our stairs overnight.

Toe Stubbing, in which it made me think of

Children have a very egocentric worldview. (A word of caution, I will not be looking up any term that I use to see if I am using it correctly. I'm feeling very lazy right now. I'm dealing with it, and you ought to as well.) Children think that anything that happens, anything that they are aware of happening anyway, happens as a direct result of something that they have done.

For example, it's raining outside, therefore they must have done something to make it rain, like spit too much or something.

I am a child, or am very childish. Probably that last one.

I stubbed my toe a few minutes ago, and my first thought was that I was being punished for something I had done wrong.

I did not (at least not immediately) consider that I might just be clumsy. Or that my big feet are prone to bumping into walls sometimes.

Not that my feet are really big. In fact, I would say that my feet are very average in size.

How do I know this?

I know people (men) who have feet that are bigger than mine, and other men who have feet that are smaller than mine.

So since my feet aren't big (like those I know with bigger feet) or small (like those I know with smaller feet), they must be average.

That's as far as my thinking went on this subject.

But earlier in a series of tweets I said something that may or may not be related:

Sometimes humor doesn't translate. Like when you give humor a book written in French and tell it that you would like to read the book in English. Thanks for nothing, humor.