Monday, June 30, 2008

I Don't Know, Would You?

I got to work this morning with an armful of stuff from the Saturn Astra they've let me drive for the past two weeks, but now I have to give it back in exchange for my 1995 Chevy Lumina, which is a great car and we got it for free, so who's complaining, right? But when you work at a car dealership and you take people on test drives in really nice new cars, it kind of seems like it would be nice to drive one yourself, but then you think, "it's just a car!" and ...

Wait a second. Stop right there.

The post was hijacked. Just a second while I clear the area of all unrelated content . . . . .

There. That should do.

Now, back to the original story; the armful of stuff was important to the storyline. You see, I approached my desk and found someone in my chair! She was sorting and cutting coupons (as far as I could tell). I kind of approached slowly to see if she'd look up and notice me: I'm the one in that family picture hanging on the cubicle wall, which means: This is MY desk!

If she did notice me, she didn't seem to care. She just continued to spread her coupon collection across my desk and cut.

I guess she really needed desk space this morning, I can understand that. And had she asked someone who worked here where she could camp out with her coupons for a while, they could have shown her an unused desk. But she just decided to inhabit mine; even though it clearly was not unused.

It just made me think: Would I do something like this? If going into any kind of business and finding myself waiting for service, would I just park myself in some cubicle full of someone's things? I don't know, but I don't think so.

Friday, June 27, 2008

I Hope He Looks Like This on the Inside

I've never met a sage before, but yesterday, for the first time in my life, I met a sage.

You can imagine my excitement.

Well, excitement wasn't the first response I had, it was more like annoyance.

I'd just pulled into the parking lot of the Wendy's down by East Bay in Provo. A car parked next to me, and since mini-#1 wanted me to roll down all four windows in the car, I did, and the guy in the car next to me rolled his down too.

"You're going to cause an accident one of these days," he said to me.

"Oh no, what did I do?" I asked (because I really wanted to know so I could avoid doing it in the future).

He shook his head, sighed, and rolled his window up.

He didn't come into Wendy's; I guess he just drove away. He made extra effort to follow me into the parking lot and dispense his wisdom.

Lunch found me in a reflective mood, trying to discover the error I had made while driving. It suddenly occurred to me what I had done: I'd started into the left turn lane behind two cars, but then realized they were turning into Burger King, so I went around them and then into the turn lane.

He could have told me this, but that would not have required me to put forth the effort on my part to discover my answer on my own.

He is a true sage indeed.

Visualize the Tagging

Sarah tagged me. No touch backs.

Favorite FoodMiddle NameFavorite Place to BeFavorite ColorPlace I'd Like to VisitMy Career
Favorite HolidayName of a PetAge at My Next Birthday, let me think about this one, Oh yeah! I rememberNow the point is to tag someone else, right? J, Laurie, and Mark... how's that?

Thursday, June 26, 2008

This is a Secure Area

J and I went on a date tonight. I really like going on dates with her. She's extremely cool.

After dinner (Thai food, mm, curry), we went to Borders so J could find some new books. One of the reasons I really love her is that she loves to read.

We arrived at Borders, and I made it through the security devices at the front of the store without incident.

Whew!Not long before leaving Borders I used the restroom. They have security devices guarding the way to the bathrooms at Borders.

I made it through these on the way into the restroom without incident as well.

Second time, whew! (again)
But then they caught me on the way out of the restrooms. Walking past the security devices a loud (and I mean really loud so that J heard it clearly at the other side of the store) alarm sounded, and an employee (or two) gave me funny looks, and one said to me, "What did you do?".

It took me all of five minutes to come up with this really witty reply:

"I washed my hands, honest!"

So here's to my slow wit, and apparently a pair of pants that still have some security button on them.

Or whatever.

They didn't set the device off on the way out of the store.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

A Sense of Achievement


I just had to make sure I spelled it right. The spell checker doesn't do the title, you know.

I heard a commercial for the Green Tea HP store today and the founder's testimonial changed! Now he says that he lost sixty pounds in six months... then says this: "When combined with diet and exercise, results increase" or something like that. The point being, well... I really don't need to say anything else, do I?

I take all the credit for this change in advertising.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

What I Wouldn't Do...? I'm Not Sure

At a park the other day I played on the swings with the mini's. Mini-#2 thought it was really funny when I jumped off the swing I was on and rolled across the ground. His laugh at times like these is really infectious. It's like a burst of gut-busting glee that you'd do anything to hear.

Even jump out of a swing again after cutting your leg up on that bark stuff they fill playgrounds with.

I remember when they put sand in playgrounds. I broke my arm once landing on the sand.

Then there was the gravel. It got really hot in the sun and would get stuck in your shoe and turn your shorts all dusty if you sat down on it, or fell on it or whatever.

Was there something between the gravel and the bark?

Maybe padded plastic full of holes? Why not packaging peanuts?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Children Don't Forget

If you are at the public pool, the one with the two water slides called the Watergator and the Slidewinder, and your kids

don't feel like going home, how can you convince them it's time to go?

Take each of them on the water slides, even if they are protesting and not wanting to.

Saturday, June 14, 2008


The first blog I ever visited on the web was introduced to me in the Hugh Nibley Ancient Studies Room of the BYU library by a friend who goes by the web name of LxxLuthor. This is a very clever name.
This slight variation on Superman's arch nemesis' name contains the abbreviated form of the word Septuagint.

The Septuagint is the Greek translation of the Hebrew Bible (known commonly as the Old Testament). Legend has it that seventy translators completed the translation in seventy days, hence LXX (70 in Roman numerals) is the abbreviation for Septuagint. In more extreme versions of the legend, all seventy translators spent those seventy days independently translating, and when they compared their translations they all matched word for word. Talk about miraculous.

My friend has aspirations of becoming a Septuagint scholar. I think he can pull it off.

Anyway, the blog. That's what this was going to be about. The blog is called Faith Promoting Rumor, and it is written by a group of LDS graduate students and recent PhD's. I like to read this blog because it reminds me of some of the things that I studied in school, and I tend to learn a lot from it.

Recently one of the bloggers posted about (in general terms) some of the presumed politics of the BYU Religious Education Department.
I'm writing about this because an interesting conversation took place/is taking place between a commenter and some of the bloggers concerning qualifications for doing exegesis on the New Testament. The commenter has some good points, but does not use capitalization, and by way of invitation one of the bloggers said this to the commenter (by the way, the point of this entry is that I'm a geek):

What I’d like to propose is that you do a guest blog for us. I am sure our readers would be quite interested in an exegetical reading of a passage from a good, rousing pagan text according to the methodologies, etc., etc., of folks who do your sort of work.

Will you consider it? You’ll need to develop a testimony of capitalization and then put it into practice, but I think that’s the one constraint we’ll need to agree on…

Friday, June 13, 2008

This From Bill Simmons,

"Pau Gasol gets to the line for two freebies: 30-12, Lakers. By the way, wouldn't Lakers games be more fun if Gasol dressed like a bullfighter for the pregame intros, then waved a red cape for the other starters as they ran by him?"
I vote yes.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Was It Really Worse Than Sugar Coated Strawberries?

mini-Holdinator #1: Daddy, will you open this fruit snack cinnamon roll for me [in case you require a translation: fruit roll-up]?
Me: No. You haven't had your dinner yet. I'll open it after you eat your dinner.
mini #1: DON'T TELL ME, DADDY!
Me: Look, I'll find you something to eat, then you can have it.
mini #1: Mormor [translation: my mom], will you open it?
My Mom: Your dad said not until you eat some dinner.

mini #1 leaves the room and has this conversation with my younger brother who's not a dad yet but will be in October-ish

mini #1: Will you open this for me?
My Brother: I don't think I'm supposed to.
mini #1: Just do it!
My Brother: But I think your dad would get mad.
mini #1: Just don't tell him.
My Brother: (takes the fruit roll-up from mini #1 and tears the end of the wrapper just a little): Look, I won't open it for you.
mini #1: Thanks (opens the foil the rest of the way).

they both come back into the room; the fruit roll-up is gone

My Mom: Where's the fruit roll-up?
mini #1: (looking very smug) I ate it.

For Those Who Are Interested

This blog has taken a particular direction, not really suited to serious kinds of things, but I keep this other blog on the side, you see, and posted this morning about something that I think some of the faithful and regular Holdinator readers might be interested in. It has to do with a really freaking cool interview with Elder Jeffrey R Holland. So, if that suits your interest this happy day, then you can find it HERE.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


I think I mentioned on my list that I like to watch Scrubs. But I don't remember, and there's no way I'm going to read that list of 100 things about me just to find out.

But anyway, I just thought it was pretty neat when I discovered that the car Elliot drives (that gets its doors torn off in the episode that she buys it) is a Saturn. And so is the car that her sometimes boyfriend, Sean, drives.

Friday, June 6, 2008

J Will Laugh At Me

I missed a spot shaving today.

It's right on my chin, on the lower left part.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Maybe I Need To Make Another Mixed CD

Most radio commercials don't really bother me. I'd really rather be listening to a song or the news or whatever, but for the most part commercials don't make me want to rant on a blog.


There are three commercials right now, though, that, well, I have issues with.

First, the one for Green THP or whatever the stuff is. I'm fine with people promoting products that may or may not be good for my health. But I draw the line at a ridiculous testimonial about the effectiveness of the product from ... wait for it, THE FOUNDER OF THE DANG COMPANY! "Hi, this is John, founder of the Green THP store, and I'm proud to report that drinking one glass of Green THP helped me lose sixty pounds in four months. I found that it specifically helped me target belly fat... blah blah blah, stuff about it lowering cholesterol, developing the ability to fly, etc." I'm pretty sure that one of the things to be wary of in advertising is a testimonial, but when it comes from the founder of the company! What is he going to say? "Hi this is John. I started this company to try and gouge hundreds of dollars out of people because of their insecurities. I hate the taste of the stuff, but if I can get you to believe it will help you lose weight, I know you'll buy it."

Second, from a window company, "There's an old saying: 'The despair of poor quality remains long after the joy of a good price.'" I may have paraphrased there a little, but it really doesn't matter, because the point is that the dude's "old saying" has the feel of a saying he just made up to try and sell his more expensive product. I expect an old saying to have a sort of proverb-feel to it, to be quippy (at least), or to at least be memorable enough for me to remember it word-for-word for an hour. An "old saying" like this guy's lasts about 8 words too long, and makes me want to shop for windows with someone else.

OK, lastly this one's more funny than anything. It doesn't bother me as much as the others. For Knee Shorts Company, the owner says something like this, "Knee Shorts is committed to remain steadfast in its commitment to yer standards." Two things, first, the word "steadfast." Only in Utah, and only among Mormons, would people hear this word in a radio commercial and not think who is this lady, and what century is she from? Second, she doesn't make any effort to pronounce the word "your" with the ou sound in the middle. I love that.

I suppose I'm done now.

(Products are probably the registered trademarks of their respective companies.)