Welcome Home! in which we chat, but it's different this time

[Recently Released] Elder Holdaway: Hi.

Me: Hi, how was the plane ride?

[RR] Elder Holdaway: I got to help out a mom with her young kids. That was pretty cool.

Me: Oh yeah, I remember that. Hey, so you got that letter last night, right?

[RR] Elder Holdaway: The one from Jessica Smith and Sara Nash?

Me: That's the one.

[RR} Elder Holdaway: Yeah, why?

Me: :D

[RR] Elder Holdaway: What?

Me: Enjoy your hot chocolate and cookies tomorrow night. I know I will.

[RR] Elder Holdaway: Um, ok.

Completion, in which Holdinator tells some of the rest of the story

I still have five songs total on my iPod. The playlist called "Jack's Sedatives."

Some may say I'm not a very practical man. I may not be. I may be.

The five songs are lullabies, in their own way, for Jack. I mostly only use two of the songs.

My iPod could do its job with only two songs.

One would probably work too. But then I would have to change the name of the playlist to "Jack's Sedative."

The soothingest song for Jack, when I'm in charge of getting the little guy to bed, is "Hope" by Jack Johnson.

And that is why my night, the other night, started, as usual, with Jack and Jack.

Jessica works nights, and on rare occasion I stay up most the night too--just at home. Ideally it's because I'm doing something really useful.

Like working on the library.

You know, categorizing and alphabetizing books.

We have:

Four book cases of fiction, two of those are fantasy, two thirds of one we consider Classics, and the rest are just ... fiction.

One book case of General Inspirational, whatever that is.

Two book cases of Old Testament and Near Eastern Studies. I got stuck here, that night, happily remembering my days at BYU. It was from Dan Belnap that the term "Near East" first struck a chord.

Two book cases of New Testament and Christian History

One book case dedicated mostly to scriptures: different versions of the Bible, and older versions of the Book of Mormon, and a copy of the Koran, two of the Bhagavad-Gita, a collection of the teachings of the Buddha, etc.

One bookcase for biography. It was here that I stopped to read a chapter from The Undertaking by Thomas Lynch, a poet/funeral director. Jessica was the one who suggested I make a bookcase specifically for biographies. I was surprised to see it fill up.

Then there are the Book of Mormon/Doctrine and Covenants/Church History books. They take up the rest.

Jack joined me for part of the night. That's usually about the time that I go full circle and end the night with Jack and Jack.

I wasn't planning on getting much rest anyway.

Prolegomena, in which Holdinator considers different lines with which to open the story of his evening

1. It usually begins with Jack and Jack.

2. My iPod has a total of five songs.

3. It was from Dan Belnap that the words, "Near East," first struck a chord.

4. It was Jessica's suggestion that I create a book case specifically for biographies.

5. At one point I stopped to read a chapter from The Undertaking.

6. I had planned on not getting much rest.

Which one would most likely cause you to keep reading? Even if there were no pictures and the post went on for many paragraphs?

The Inept Homeowner, in which Holdinator breaks the Sprinklers

Bless her.

That's all I can say, really. She puts up with a heck of a lot, and so bless her.

That's not to say she wasn't aware of what she was getting into.

You see, when we were dating/engaged (somewhere in there) her car had a problem. I think there was a cable that came loose from the battery. Her dad spent no less than a half hour on the phone with me trying, very patiently, to describe where I should look under the hood to find this cable and reconnect it.

Total time project should have taken: 30 seconds

Total time project took in my hands: 45 minutes (because it took me 15 minutes to find the latch to release the hood)

So when we had a simple sprinkler repair in our front flower bed, and I decided I would investigate and be the superman I ought to be, I unearthed fifteen feet of sprinkler pipe looking for the place where I could unscrew the pipe from the rest of the pipe and take it to Home Depot to find a replacement.

Except that sprinkler pipe isn't screwed together, it's all glued together with these connector things or whatever ("Duh, dork," you're thinking). So all it took was sawing off a couple inches and gluing a new piece in place. Thanks to her brother, that was taken care of a month ago.

Thanks to me, it still doesn't work, because when I got that fifteen feet out, I broke the pipe somewhere else, and now ... well, I tried to at least bury the pipe so it wouldn't be sticking up out of the ground anymore, but the middle of it won't stay under the dirt.

I LOVE YOU JESSICA!

thanks for putting up with me

I've Only Been Golfing Three Times in My Life

But if I took it up, I might excel at it.

And this is why:

Jessica has incredible reflexes. One night when Mini Holdinator #1 (otherwise known as Joshua) was an infant and still sleeping in a rocking cradle, Jessica bolted out of bed, out of a deep sleep, and caught him as he was pulling himself up in the cradle thereby causing it to rock and nearly dump him out on the floor. It was incredible! The cradle was at the foot of the bed, so the speed with which she did this was nothing short of amazing.

The other night I was up with Jack, and I got hungry, so I poured myself a bowl of cereal. Suddenly the bowl was slowly moving across the table top and on its way to the edge. Then it fell off and into my lap. This was of course because I knocked it off the table somehow (I'm really not sure how), but I had plenty of time to do something about it, I guess. But I couldn't. I just don't have the reflexes.

Then to top it off, after it fell and got cold, wet cereal in my lap, I considered the situation and the predicament that I was in, then I thought for a few seconds about what I should do. I considered my options: What should I clean up first? How would I clean it up? Would I use my hands to pick up the fallen cereal, or go get a paper towel for the whole thing?

Before I did much of anything, I changed my facebook status to reflect the situation I was in, because apparently comedy trumps all action.

And this is a problem with me. I don't react. And I know it drives Jessica mad sometimes. If Jack spits up all over her, I'll tilt my head and take in the scene, and consider whether a paper towel, s dish towel, or a baby wipe will best remedy the problem. She just wants me to do something.

This is probably why I never excelled in the sports I played as a kid: football and basketball. Both of those require pretty quick response times to situations.

This is also why I could never be in the military, or law enforcement.

Brian's thoughts in a crisis: Huh, this guy is shooting at me; what can I do about this? I guess I could try to avoid the shots. Should I call for backup now or after I've diffused the situation? How should I diffuse the situation? Let's see, I have my own gun, and I have this tazer thing, but I could get in a lot of trouble if I used it inappropriately. The guy who's shooting at me has something on his face, what is that?

etc.

This is why I think I might be good at golf. It's not one of those sports where you're required to make split second decisions and rely on your quick reflexes. You really consider every shot, even the two-inch puts.

So yeah, I feel bad for my kids while knowing just how lucky they are. On the one hand, they've got a parent who will be able to rescue them from anything in the blink of an eye. On the other hand they have a parent who, well, is me.

Subconscious trumps Reality at 3 am

I dreamt that we really needed to find someone to give a refrigerator and a dryer to. It was crucial that we do this, so when J woke me up to help take care of little Jack, I wanted to ask her who we should give these appliances to so I could figure it all out in my dream. I was stuck on that thought, and felt very anxious to resolve the problem...

The magic is gone:

Have you ever noticed when shopping somewhere where they print your savings on your receipt, that when the checker circles your savings they seemingly don't have a writing instrument in their hands. I noticed this all the time at Smith's. And every time it happened I would think, "Ah! They must have a pencil lead stuck to the end of their finger that they use to circle these things. Next time I come I'm going to pay closer attention and see if I can see how they hide that tiny pencil, or maybe even pen." But then the next time I would go, I'd forget until the magic occurred again. As it turns out (and this is something I've learned at work, because we circle savings on our receipts, after all at Seagull you never, and I mean NEVER pay full price...), receipt paper is made of carbon stuff that shows marks on it when pressure is applied, so the pressure from, say, a fingernail could leave what appeared to be a pencil or ink mark. 

Perhaps that's really more magic than the tiny writing thing taped to the finger. I mean, seriously, that would just be obvious. THIS, my friends, is true magic at work. Paper that doesn't require a pen!

Sometimes my kids say really funny things. 

Like Morgan (Mini #2) who says all his f's as s's, so the word funny is pronounced sunny.

It's so sunny!

Ten Years Looking Back

So we rang in the new year. J worked, so I was home with Mini Holdinator #3 (1 and 2 were asleep) when the two-hour delayed film of the ball dropping played on TV.

I have no idea what 2009 holds in store, but if you'll bear with with (endure it well friends), I've really been thinking a lot about New Years ten years ago.

Ten years ago I celebrated New Years at the Wilk on BYU campus. I don't know if they still do this, but back then there was a huge multi-stake dance at BYU on New Years Eve for the youth. I distinctly remember talking with my friend Yvonne about how this next year would be huge. 

For one thing, I knew that I'd be graduating from high school. Somehow high school graduation seemed like one of the most significant transitions I could make. And it turned out it was.

I also knew that by the end of the year I'd be serving a mission somewhere ... it turned out to be Michigan. But that change, from no responsibilities punk to full-time ecclesiastical work, was pretty daunting to consider.

But as it turned out, there was one thing that happened that year that has had more profound influence on the past ten years than anything else. 

It was a hike to the Y.

From that vantage point I struck up a conversation with a kid from Southern California who was planning on starting a punk band when his friend (who played bass) moved up to Utah that summer. They would need a drummer, and I agreed to play with them and see how things worked out.

Things worked out pretty well with that band; we became best friends, and through those associations I met J.

1999.

Yeah, it was great.

Good Sabbath Morning!

Hi there, and welcome to a very cool day. Six years ago J and I married in the Jordan River Temple.

Then we played a little while on the lawn in front of the temple.

See.Thanks J, for six years of fun, and I love you very much.

One Handed

I am currently blogging using only my right hand.

SeeThis is a common thing in our home--one-handed stuff.

In fact J was commenting on a blog a few moments ago while I was holding Jack, but she was only using one hand to type. She stopped when I pointed the fact out to her.

J is Pretty and Awesome

Things that J is better than me at:

• hearing
• helping the kids brush their teeth
• bringing home the vegetarian bacon (if there was such a thing)
• discipline
• consistency
• folding clothes
• completely cleaning the kitchen
• remembering lines from books and movies
• routines
• listening
• empathizing
• faith
• clean hands and pure heart
• making pizza crust
• majoring in something useful
• stick-to-it-iveness
• reading people
• caring
• keeping her blood pressure low
• just about everything else
• actually not "just about everything"

Huh!

I probably wanted to do it mostly because I thought it would be a lot of fun. But I think there was a little selflessness involved too.

About a year ago we bought bunk beds for Mini's 1 and 2. But we didn't have the beds on top of each other because the one used as a top bunk made a great toddler bed for Mini 2, what with the side rails and all. But the other day I decided it would be fun, and both boys were probably big enough respectively to use it (Mini 1 to use the top bunk and Mini 2 to use the bottom one without falling out), so with the help of J's sister, we got the beds together.

But there is one challenge involved now.

You see, both boys go to sleep at night in our bed. Then we carry them into their room and put them in their own beds and (ideally) that's where they stay for the rest of the night.

So this requires me to heft Mini 1 up and over the rails of the top bunk, a height of more than six feet I'm sure. Now, I've been known for my extremely buff thumbs (just ask J), but this is requiring me to work on my, um, lats or something.

But it's tough, you see.

I'm a manly man.

Even if I did shave that goatee thing off.

HUH!!

Long Night

Last night when we went to bed, this is who was in our bed:This dude (yours truly, Holdinator himself)

And this really cute girl

But when we woke up this morning (you know, to get up and start the day, not just to get up for a minute or two to change diapers and/or feed a baby), a few others had joined us, including:

Mini #3, who is still learning the value of sleeping without direct contact with his mommy

Mini #2, who likes to turn so his body is stretched between us with his head by my head and his feet by J's headMini #1, who crawled into the bed sometime between 4 and 6 this morning; I'm really not sureThis guy. He purrs so loud he could wake the deadAnd then this guy, who is only comfortable when he is laying on top of someone's chest, and he's a really fat cat

If you haven't been keeping score, that's two people in bed to begin the night, and seven in bed in the morning.

A Square is Also a Parallelagram

So said Mini #1 when looking at shapes with J tonight.

And then the Amazing happened.

Have you ever tried to put the bottom sheet on a large bed (queen or bigger)? Does it happen that every time you do it, you get it wrong first? You start putting on one corner and when you get to the next one you figure out that you've got the top/bottom on the sides, and so you have to rotate the thing 45 degrees?

Now, you're disqualified from this contest if your sheets are patterned in a way that you can tell just by looking at them which way is up. You know, like if your sheets are Batman and you know that Alfred needs to be right-side-up at the top so you never have that problem. I'm not talking to you.

I'm talking to those who have plain sheets, or sheets with an indistinguishable pattern on them. That dang bottom sheet is never, and I mean never, on right the first time.

That is until tonight.

Yes, I went to make the bed and fully expected the bottom sheet to pull the same trick it does every time, and was shocked and completely in awe when it fit on my first try.

I can hear you gasping. I know; I know! It's impossible, you say. But no, I'm telling the truth.

Oh, and the reason for changing the sheets. Mini #3 peed on the bed.

And about Mini #1. He started preschool today. We wanted to send him to the same preschool TJ sent her daughter, but the half hour drive for two and a half hours of school wasn't justifiable. So, we went with a place very near our place; and he blew up. The sweet people at the school said he was probably just dealing with the anxiety of this new experience, and whereas most kids just cry, he expressed his distaste for the situation with words, and they were all amazed at the vastness of his vocabulary and sentence structure, even if he was telling them that they had broken his heart and he would like to scratch them until they bleed.

Anyway, after a discussion with J and a very heartfelt prayer, he got the broken pieces of his heart back together and braved the school again, and absolutely loved it.

Here's to hoping he loves it again on Thursday.

Reclaiming the psyche 3: J

We've had access to this for, well, nearly six years now. This may be the first time some of you (perhaps all of you, save Heather, since she's the master artist who took these pictures) see them.

These are our engagement pictures. I like them because we both look really different. I guess a lot changes in six years.

(Yeah, like I gained forty pounds, or maybe more)

I also really like them because I really like J.

J is just so dang cool. I wonder sometimes how she couldn't tell what she was getting into.

Well, bless her for taking the risk.